TL;DR: I’m a dog person
This weekend I went to one of my best friend’s baby shower.
Another friend and I went down yesterday and stayed the night with my very pregnant friend and another of her very pregnant friends who was also in town for the shower. I was the only one there who had never experienced being pregnant and it was basically like being the only kid to sit alone at the lunch table. I didn’t fit in. It wasn’t even really that they just constantly talked about pregnancy stuff but it was just more this commonality that they shared and I will never be a part of that club.
I don’t want kids. I am so very glad that my mother did want kids, but it’s just never been something I’ve craved. I look at babies and I’m uncomfortable. I would rather have dogs, lots and lots of dogs. I get excited about a beautiful Bernese Mountain Dog the same way other women coo over a newborn baby. I don’t have that maternal instinct in me and I don’t know that I ever will have it. Don’t get me wrong - I’m protective to a fault and no friend of mine will ever need someone else to get their back as long as I’m around, but I just don’t want to be a mom.
Well I’ve always been very upfront with my feelings and never ashamed about feeling this way towards motherhood, today just made me feel left out. I couldn’t join in the conversations about 3am feedings and breast pumps (not that I was really keen to share anyway) so I found myself in a corner most of the day. My best friends are very aware of this fact about me and kept trying to include me in conversations but it’s a baby shower for crying out loud, we are going to talk about babies.
I don’t really know why this day has made me feel so strange because it’s not like I’ve changed my mind and suddenly I want kids. I just feel like maybe I’m missing some secret gene that makes me want to make little versions of myself. I know that no one should live their life the same as every other person in the world and I certainly don’t want to start now but it just makes me feel like I’m the weird kid in the corner talking to my invisible friend because at least she gets me.
Plus, being in a long-distance relationship when you feel like this sucks the biggest of donkey balls. Like really giant ass balls… or would it be giant Ass balls? (I couldn’t resist, just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you can’t be punny.)